does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
