so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
