Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
