i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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