I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
