We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
