When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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