My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
