I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
