Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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