You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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