susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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