Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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