it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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