So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
