Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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