She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
