Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Life is so much better after having sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
