i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
