I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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