guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
