I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
