I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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