god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
