I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
