Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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