stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
