Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The ass gains better be worth it
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