ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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