whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Randomize
