If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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