Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
