nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
