I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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