The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
