No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
