i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
