Sry I called you an 8
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
