You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
