when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
