Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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