Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
