my vag is so smooth its legendary
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
