Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
