my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
