I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
