im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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