I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
