You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
