yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
