oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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