i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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