I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
