Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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