So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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