You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
