Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
